Switching the Heroes into Warriors
by MetaDash
Summary: A prince and princess need the help of Fire Emblem (H)eroes to defeat their enemy! Luckily Anna is here to help, but they have underestimated her, the fans, the heroes, and the whole process. FE Heroes, total crack, one-shot.


Heroes.

That was what Prince Alfonze and Princess Sharena had in mind to combat their enemy Emblia's ambition of conquering worlds across worlds. They would need help from other heroes, other champions associated with the Fire Emblem. Luckily, they had an in with a local merchant.

"Howdy!" said the red-haired woman when she met up with the two royals. "Name's Anna. And you guys are gonna LOVE what I've got planned for you!"

Alfonze nodded. "Yes, thank you. We've heard you and your sisters are well-versed in traveling between different worlds."

"Ha! You don't know the half of it." Anna winked and looked through her notes. "Okay, so what I'm thinking is that we get all kinds of heroes – sword people, axe people, lance people, my people, your people, people's people, People's people-"

"Uhh, remember that Veronica can manipulate heroes as well," Sharena pointed out.

"Well that's no problem! If there's one thing that sends the good guys running, it's incentive."

"Ah, you mean gold or fame?" Alphonse guessed.

"PFFT HAHAHAHAHA yeah right!" The merchant pointed to the ground, snickering. "You want people to fight in this day and age, you have to declare them better than everyone else."

"Meaning….?"

"Let's start with the basic question: do you two know what a waifu is?"

Both siblings looked owl-faced.

"…..oh boy."

* * *

Anna, Chromrrin, and Sharena stepped into a large chamber, where immediately they saw TONS of heroes from all across the lands. All of them looked eager once they caught wind of the merchant's iconic red hair (she or her sisters would always show up), and even more so once Anna stepped onto the stage and picked up a microphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to begin the Heroes Special Event! These fine royals are requiring your assistance, and I have JUST the deal to sweeten the pot!"

"Is it gold?" someone asked.

"No."

"Is it fame?"

"No!"

"Is it gold?"

"Someone just asked that!"

"Because we're the _same_ person!" cried out Finn from FE4, pointing to his FE5 counterpart.

"Oh. Yeah, I wouldn't get too crazy with the interactions guys, since we maaaaay run into paradoxes and stuff like that."

"Question!" shouted Lilina from FE6. "Who are they?"

The blue-haired mage was pointing to a bunch of Japanese schoolkids accompanied by what looked to be J-Pop singers, under a ratty banner that said "Tokyo Mirage Sessions".

"Oh, yeah….uhhh, their lawyers were REALLY insistent they get in."

"ツバサさん！ 私たちは学校に遅れました！ 私たちは口からぶら下がっているトーストを家に残す必要があります!"said Itsuki Aoi.

"一関くん！ 私はそうかわいい？" said Tsubasa Oribe.

"I don't understand what they're saying, but somehow, I don't like it," replied Sigurd, who had on a **"Make Fire Emblem Great Again"** hat.

"So let's cut to the chase!" Anna snapped her fingers. "We're going to have test audiences vote for you guys and stuff, and the WINNER…..gets….."

Everyone leaned in, including Sharena and Kirito from SAO.

"-A special costume and fanart!"

"What?" Sharena cried out. "That's utterly absurd! Why would heroes care so much about-"

"GIVE ME THE COSTUME!" FE10 Mia shouted, swinging her sword around. "I'LL KILL YOU ALL!"

"NO IT'S MINE!"

"MINE, YOU FOOLS!"

"is it 1981?"

The two royals started to get nervous, as every hero was getting antsy/excited/anxious at the prospect of being popular. Too antsy, in fact. Anna smiled. _Just according to keikaku._

* * *

 **Voter #1**

"Oh gosh….I don't know…." replied the first voter, a pudgy young lad with thick glasses and pimples across his face. "T-Tharja or Lucina? Lucina or Tharja?"

"W-What's with this boy?" Corrhim asked, with his sister nodding.

Anna chuckled. "These kind of people like the more….interactive gals. I guess you can call them new playe-I mean _fans_ to the heroes."

"WAIT A DING DONG SECOND!" the boy spun around and held out his phone. "DO I GET TO PET THEIR FACES IF THEY WIN?!"

"WHAT?!" Sharena gawked.

"Uhh….yeah! In fact, if you win, I'll tell the artist to comissh a special birthday suit outfit for them." Anna winked.

"OH JESUS IT'S TOO MUCH! MY WAIFUS….!"

* * *

 **Voter #2**

"So to be absolutely sure, if I pick Sigurd, we won't get anymore animu weeb bullshit in Fire Emblem?" asked a tall man with short black hair. "Because I swear to Narga-"

"Yeah, I _get_ it," Anna replied. "Are you going to vote or not?"

"W-What's the story with this person? He seems like the total opposite of the first guy," whispered Sharena. "And yeah, I'm equally as uncomfortable."

"Oh nothing. Just the older kind of fans. It's easy to make them mad though. Hey!"

"What?!" the man snapped.

"Kaga did _everything_ wrong."

* * *

 **Voter #3**

One chase scene and hysterical yelling later, the three had escaped to the third voter, a certain Norwegian man with balding blonde-esque hair. But Sharena and her brother Generic Anime Protagonist couldn't help but notice something.

"All of the heroes are running around….trying to get votes from people….why do they care so much?!"

"Because in this day and age, you never know what's gonna happen to your success. People don't like to be forgotten!"

GAP squinted. "Is that hero whoring her body out for votes?"

"Yeah, quick tip: people get really desperate for votes. And the voters are a LITTLE cheeky when it comes to stuff like this."

GAP and his sister saw several odd scenes: Lalum dressed as a dog, Marty hunting down the Kool-Aid Man, Lucina singing 'Chocolate Rain' off-key, Est proving the theory of relativity, Gregor struggling to do someone's math homework, and Leif doing jello body shots.

"S-Sister, I'm getting scared…."

"Okay, it's done," replied the voter, looking satisfied with his picks. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with some Pepsi Max."

Anna looked down at the screen.

All 13 votes were for Louise, Pent's wife.

"….huh."

* * *

 **Voter #4**

"Well I gotta vote for the tactician magician Robin," replied a dark-skinned young man with a "Red Robin" T-shirt. "Lucina tho? And Naughty Lissa…."

* * *

 **Voter #5**

"GAIIIIIIDEN REMAKE YES! ARE YOU FUCKING ME?!" A certain Canadian man was happily reacting to other news involving Alm and Celica.

* * *

 **Interlude 1**

"The votes are tallying in!" Anna was looking over the reports. "Isn't it great?! Everyone's getting excited! You'll beat that Veronica lady with ease!"

"Anna, I don't mean to be rude, but isn't it a LITTLE unethical to manipulate fans and heroes alike like this?" replied the LARPer.

"Oh honey, it's VERY unethical!" came the cheerful reply.

"But don't you think people are taking this content a little too seriously?" Sharena pointed to Shanna and Tate trying to out tuba each other to the song 'My Left Foot'. "There must be control!"

"Obviously! That's why we move to the weeding out process!"

* * *

 **Candidate #1**

"So tell us, what makes you think you'll be a good hero?"

Anna, Sharena, and [insert name] were sitting at a large table. The first hero proudly cleared his throat and explained:

"Ahh, iz it not simple? My elegance is legend!"

"Uh huh." Anna looked to her notes. "Virion, you ARE aware that you're an archer, right? That's like a death sentence in these parts."

"What? But why, Miz Anna?"

"HAHAHAHA get to the back of the line!"

Virion skulked and walked off, only to find Gordin, Wolt, Rebecca, Wil, and others by the wall holding up signs that said **ARCHERS LIVES MATTER**

"We got your back, bro. Solidarity!"

* * *

 **Candidate #2**

"So, Micaiah, what makes YOU a good hero?"

"H-Huh?" the white-haired sage thought for a few seconds. "Well, I helped restore my country Daein to its former glory."

"That sounds promising!" Ayamu from the Asterisk Wars said. Sharena agreed.

"Hold the phone." Anna tapped her pencil. "According to my data, 30% of the fanbase thinks you're a Mary Sue, and that's a _little_ too high."

"W-What? What on earth is that?"

"It's the female version of me, right?!" shouted an excited Marty. The guards pushed him to the end of the line.

"Honey, would you be willing to show off some more skin? That's very in with the waifus and the NEETS."

"Excuse me?!"

"Hmm, you're right." Anna clicked her tongue. "No T&A. Next!"

* * *

 **Candidate #3**

"Damn….your qualifications are good. Like…..really good!"

Before the three was Seth, the Silver Knight and loyal guard to Princess Eirika. He didn't seem terribly interested in the contest, though, because he's a total alpha like that.

"Thank you…? I'm more here to advocate the Princess."

"Oh she's popular! But YOU-" Anna winked. "Are a hit, Sethy boy. You're attractive enough to get the fangirls relied up BUT the older fans have accepted you as the second coming!"

"What do you mean?" Just as Seth asked that, a line of speedrunners and LTCers were by his feet, kissing it and letting down gifts to their 8 tile god.

* * *

 **Candidate #4**

Next up was the Princess of Nohr, Camilla. Her smile was confident and easy-going as she looked to each judge.

 _This is one of her schemes, isn't it? Not that I mind._ (Anna)

 _Well she might be hard to convince….she's already looking at me with some jealousy._ (Sharena)

 _How disappointing. He looks like my Corrin but isn't even half as cute._ (Not Corrin)

"So Cammy! Lemme level with you. You're pretty high up there, but the older fans really don't like you. And before you ask, they know what-" Anna gestured up and down. "-is. Have anything to improve that?"

"I can't say I do. I dress how I dress."

"And what a dress it is….ow!" Sharena slapped her brother.

"Yeah, that's unfortunate. What if we put you in some promotional footage, where you get to fight with Chrom against Xander and Lucina?"

"Sounds promising." Camilla smiled, and Sharena's jealousy heart grew three sizes that day.

* * *

 **Candidate #5**

"Okay, this is a little annoying." FE9 Ike was standing with his FE10 counterpart. "Myself is stealing votes from me!"

"Honey, they're different adventures. It's only fair."

"Yeah….it's only fair that the BETTER Ike wins," RD Ike said. "No offense."

"What?! I'm just as good if not better! I can solo my game!"

"I can solo _mine_!"

"I got with Elincia!"

"I got with Soren!"

 _DAMN, he's good…._ "Well, well….I had bowl of nails for breakfast this morning!"

"Yeah, so?"

 _"Without any milk,_ " PoR Ike narrowed his eyes.

"Uhh, right this way," replied the larger Ike, nervously letting his counterpart go past him. "And enjoy the Salty Spitoon, guy."

"…."

"…"

"the what?"

Anna leaned over. "T-They're doing a bit."

* * *

 **Candidate #6**

"こんにちは！ あなたはバスルームがどこにあるのか教えていただけますか ?"

Next up was Tsubasa, who looked a little uncomfortable. She was squatting a bit and biting her lip.

"Aww, she looks so nervous _. Hallo_ , we are your friends, _ja_?"

"Sister, what are you doing? She doesn't speak….THAT! I can't even understand her!" replied Kozaki's scrapbook design.

Anna looked pensive. "Tsubasa, can you even fight?"

"戦い？！ 私はおしっこが必要です！" Tsubasa exclaimed.

"…..yeah, no idea, she's still speaking Moonrunes or whatever it is. NEXT!"

* * *

 **Interlude 2**

"Here you go!" Anna shoved a bunch of papers into the siblings arms. "These are trending on Twitter. THIS list are the Tumblr gifs, and that section is the /feg/ crowd. Cross examine them by the 2nd and you'll have your roster!"

"But Anna-"

"Oop, almost forgot! To summon a hero when the time comes…." She took out an orb. "use these. The fans can help you. It's $1 for one, $5 for three, $10 for five, $100 for 50, $99.90 for 51 on the special discount day, and remember, make sure you take credit cards!"

Both siblings looked so lost it was insane. And giddy for Anna.

"W-What….what about the special art?"

"I told you. I have a special commissioner for that!"

XXXXX

"Hehehehe…."

In a darkened room, one tall man with overalls, a cap, and a mustache was searching the internet for pictures of the Fire Emblem cast. He clicked one picture of Lucina, photoshopped her head, and promptly put it on Tharja's body.

"That's-a for the waifu-a fans…"

Then he moved his mouse and clicked some more, photoshopping his head onto Alm's head for the new Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia box art. Then he changed the title to read:

 **Fire WAAHmblem WAHchoes: Shadows of WAH**

 _"Soon….Waluigi will be number one!"_

He couldn't get into Smash, but hey, you win some, you lose some. Just like the heroes, the fans, and you cool readers.

 **HAPPY LEIF ERIKSON DAY!**

 **FIN**

 **Ending notes: Just something to react to the direct. I'm not much of a mobile gamer but Heroes looks fun. The Gaiden remake looks REALLY interesting to me, and I haven't played FE2 before! Sad no Warriors roster though.**

 **And to avoid confusion**

 **-Voter 3 was Mangs, voter 4 was Etika, and voter 5 was Ghast Station. If you like Fire Emblem and use Youtube a lot, chances are you know who these three are. If not, go check them out.**

 **-I misnamed Alfonze on purpose as a running gag. Dude looks like the love child of Chrom and Corrin XD**


End file.
